


The Crowbar Keyblade

by NovasArchives



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Crowbar Keyblade, Don't Read This, F/M, I Wrote this in 2014, If You Read This - At Least Roast It, Why Are You Even Looking At These Tags, crackfic, this is so bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:08:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29620371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovasArchives/pseuds/NovasArchives
Summary: What happens when a psycho gets a Keyblade?What happens when this Keyblade is shaped like a crowbar, her weapon of choice?I hope you're praying for her friends because this Keyblade Wielder has some issues.
Relationships: Kairi/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 1





	The Crowbar Keyblade

**Author's Note:**

> Okay before you even take one look at this monstrosity of a one-shot let me just quickly fill you in on a few things.
> 
> This account is an archive account, it's where I post my old stories as well as my abandoned stories. I do currently still write - though I will say that the unfinished and just overall bad works definitely outweigh the amount I'm currently working on.
> 
> I have NovasArchives on Wattpad as well (though I do despise the platform quite a bit). Though my old stories aren't in smut territory, I stop trusting a platform when they start deleting stories without warning. Thus, here we are! 
> 
> Yes, I do know this story is bad - on top of being a crackfic, it is also very poorly written. I internally cringe everytime I remember it exists. However, I had to start somewhere and I have a serious issue with deleting old works.
> 
> I am working on getting everything reposted on Archive Of Our Own, I'm starting with my really old/bad works and slowly working my way up to the more recent stuff.
> 
> Feel free to roast this shit as much as you want, I can promise you I am also roasting the hell out of this shitstorm.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy I guess? As much as you can anyways...
> 
> If you want to read any of my current works, my main profile is "Constellasaur".

Everyone was sitting on the couch of a living room.

Sora, Kairi, Riku, Leah, Trent, And Lexy.

There was a lot of yelling.

The Argument started when Lexy got pissed off at Riku for breaking the TV remote.

Again.

Like, how do you break a TV remote?!

TWICE?!?

And since it was Lexy's house, she had to pay for the damage.

Oh, and she wasn't happy.

And that's when everyone learned her weapon of choice.

The Crowbar.

* * *

**The Crowbar Keyblade (One-Shot/CrackFic)**

* * *

"I SWEAR TO GOD RIKU, I WILL MURDER YOU" I yelled at the wide eyed silvery-haired teen in front of me.

"I'll buy you a new remote!" Riku said, he had his Keyblade out, but something about being Crowbarred by Lexy scared the living shit out of him.

"NOPE! This will be more fun!" The brunette smirked, taking a swing at Riku with the red crowbar in her hand, but missing when Riku ducked and succeeded in hitting Trent in the head with it.

"Hey!" The dark brunette snapped, rubbing his head. "Leave me out of this!" He got up moving across the room to sit beside Leah who had been holding back a laugh.

"Sora do something," Kairi said, pushing Sora off the couch.

"Why me?!" He whined. "You have a Keyblade too!"

"But I'm a girl, and Lexy scares me!" The redhead said, turning her head away from Sora who glared at her.

"Fine..." The spikey-haired brunette muttered, his Kingdom key appearing in his hand as he walked over to stop the fight.

"Sora if you come near me I swear to god I WILL hit you!" I growled at him.

Sora looks wide-eyed at Kairi before looking back at me.

"I think you should c-" And Sora was cut off by getting a good hit in the face by none other than Lexy and the crowbar its self.

And that was it for Sora he spun around and sat beside Kairi. "You or Leah can try, you guys Haven't been hit yet."

Kairi looked wide-eyed at Sora before looking straight at Leah who froze.

"Oh hell no." The brunette said.

"Oh hell yes!" Kairi replied.

"Go!" Trent said pushing Leah off the couch and earning a glare from his friend.

"Fuck you guys." She muttered, walking towards Lexy who had now beaten Riku to the ground.

"Lexy." Was all she had to say before I turned around and smacked her in the face with the crowbar.

"OW! What the hell Lexy?!" Leah said looking at her.

"Sorry Leah," I said with a cheeky grin. "But I had to."

At that exact Moment her Crowbar glowed white.

Everyone stared at the crowbar in confusion as it took the shape of a Keyblade and the white light disappeared.

That was enough to get Leah to back up a bit.

"Oh cool what's this?" I asked dumbfounded.

"It's a Keyblade, you idiot!" Kairi called.

She instantly regretted it when an evil smile formed on my face.

No one was leaving this house unharmed.

They were screwed.

**Author's Note:**

> I went through this monstrosity with Grammarly really quickly. But if I'm being honest, that wasn't going to help shit. Roast this shit till there is nothing left but ash please and thank you. :)
> 
> Again if you would like to see any of my current works and how much I've improved. You can check out my main profile "Constellasaur"
> 
> ━━━━━━✦✗✦━━━━━━
> 
> Word Count: 524


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